Before the annual questionnaire, I think I need to list down a few things that are memorable about 2011.
1. I was deeply moved by the recent calamity down south. I think I will forever be haunted by the images on TV of families rent apart and mothers grieving for children they can't find amid corpses. Even more moving, perhaps, is the fact that the people were still grateful for being alive and children are still calmly praying for better times even though they have lost everything they own. I think this has put many things in perspective this holiday season: that the cliches still hold -- what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, it's so wrong to have so much when others have so little, Christmas is all about giving, and the best things in life are free.
2. I am constantly amazed by what young people (people younger than me, I mean :D) are capable of and are doing for the less fortunate. You know what we say about "kids these days" -- they're spoiled and materialistic, they don't know anything about the political and social climate, they have no concept of nation, they're narrow-minded, etc. Mind you, I still observe these things, but there are many who defy these stereotypes, and I am proud of them.
3. I felt really blessed this year, especially because aside from winning my iPhone 4 from an SM raffle (which I still consider God's birthday gift to me of sorts), I still have many things that money can't buy. I have a home, my family is safe and healthy, my parents and I have jobs, and while I can't afford a car, I can still afford the bills and my books and clothes. These are simple things but they remind me how lucky I am, especially since my extended family had to go through some struggles this year. (This is not a case of schadenfreude at all -- more like an eye-opener, I think.)
4. Four. Four years and going strong. Another reason why I think I'm lucky. :)
5. Ultimately it's a simple thing, but now that I have passed my comprehensive exams, I have a clearer idea of what I want my future to be. Last year I made some plans borne of disappointments and anger. I'm glad those didn't push through. :)
6. SO MANY WEDDINGS THIS YEAR! You know you've passed a certain age when this happens. :))
7. That said, I'm really happy with and for my friends.
===
And for the new year questionnaire:
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Became an adviser for a senior class, went swimming in a lake (San Pablo :), drove a car,
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
This is what I said exactly a year ago: "Next year I will write and read more, take photos, blog, watch plays and musicals, and spend less." I did two out of six of those. Ah, well. I know that every new day is a chance to change oneself, but there just seems to be a resetting of several aspects of our lives going on every first of January, which seems to make it the perfect moment to change! And for a while at least, we all follow our new year's resolutions, right?
So here are my new year's resolutions for 2012: be more active in socio-civic activities, lose weight, save up, travel more, and WRITE MY THESIS.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousins! I can't keep track of all my nephews and nieces any longer. :D
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes :(
5. What countries did you visit?
NONE. But next year will be different, I believe! :))
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A THESIS! (And a winning lottery ticket.)
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 24 (my birthday) and Christmas Eve with my family. :)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing my compre! \m/
9. What was your biggest failure?
Spending too much. BUT I REGRET NOTHING. :))
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Aside from the occasional cough and colds, wala naman. :)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Lots of clothes!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ang tropa ng may mahahabang pasensya!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There were a few, but I love and respect them nonetheless.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes, books, utility bills, and other domestic expenses.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting my compre results, getting a haircut, and winning my iPhone 4 (!!!) and Mamma Mia! tickets!
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011?
Adele's songs, "Moves Like Jagger", "Run the World", and "Super Bass"!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Several times happier.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
Fatter :>
iii. Richer or poorer?
Poorer in cash. :D
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Write and travel.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eat, surf the Net and play Angry Birds. :>
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family. I was also researching for my thesis then...
23. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Game of Thrones!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't think so :)
26. What was the best book you read?
The A Song of Ice and Fire series.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele.
28. What did you want and get?
Passing compre results!!!
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2. I went to the cinemas only a few times this year, mostly to watch Pinoy flicks. No regrets there. :))
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 27. It was the school fair, a pretty fun day.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Feeling-young-fashion.
34. What kept you sane?
My friends from Zobel, and my students, for a lot of reasons. :)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Xian Lim -- although this is very recent!
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
GMA trying to leave the country and all the shenanigans that followed.
37. Whom did you miss?
My mom, as usual :( but I'm happy she's home for Christmas :D
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My new co-teachers and students.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
I learned that being humble and admitting my faults and weaknesses ultimately makes me a better person. It's not a new adage, but it sums up many things that have happened this year. :)
Also, this: judge a person not by how he treats his friends, but by how he treats those who cannot do anything for him.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Something really old and literal by Kylie Minogue: "I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky!" :))
- Location:Philippines,
- Mood:
grateful
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
inklingfair is right; Twitter and Facebook have effectively taken away LJ's priority status in my everyday Web surfing. Yet there was a time when I couldn't sleep or do my assignments without being able to write my thoughts down in more than 140 characters, be it in the form of a blog entry, a short story, or a fanfiction (God those were the days :>). I wish to bring back that persistent narrator in my head telling me what to write. Funny how I write less now that I've been majoring in literature for the last three years. Maybe it's the constant exposure to mind-blowing poetry and prose that's been keeping me from writing -- it's that feeling of defeat upon knowing that no, I'll be never as good as these women, and no, my professors will just take a glance at my story and throw it in the trash. But that's the beauty of the Internet, I suppose. What I'm writing is crap, no doubt, but there'll be someone who'll read it no matter what he/she thinks, and anyway, only I can do any deleting. :)
So that's what the narrator in my head has been saying: to write about going back to writing. Yeah, I sound like a schizophrenic having to admit that. But it's about time I answer it back. #
* A long footnote on my resolutions:
1. To write more. Discussed at length. Also, I have a couple of ideas brewing in my head and I want to put them down, probably make some money out of them if I can pull them off. Oh, and I want to do it before I start studying for my comprehensive exams.
2. To read more. Target: at least 30 books, including my required readings for said comps. Current read: The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov, a really strange story. Up to now I'm still not sure what it's about...
3. To run more. In August, I was able to run 10 kilometers at 1 hour 10 minutes; now, after months of inactivity and a bout of bronchitis, I can't run 5k without stopping at least twice. I'm aiming for 21k by June.
4. To take lots of pictures. Just so my camera won't go to waste, as it cost my mom quite a few dinars. And I'll be traveling a lot this year, I think, c/o my family, so apart from R&R I'm also looking forward to practicing my camera skillz. ;)
5. To watch plays and musicals. I let quite a lot of them go in 2010, except of course for the brilliant Equus!
6. To spend less. Yes, because I've been rather spendthrift last year. I have so many books I haven't read yet, I bought quite a lot of non-tiangge clothes, and I bought a netbook and an iPod Touch! Not that I regret any of it, but now I pretty much have all that I need. And I need a bit of moolah this year. So there.
Allen Ginsberg
The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction
the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.
Who can deny?
In dreams
it touches
the body,
in thought
constructs
a miracle,
in imagination
anguishes
till born
in human—
looks out of the heart
burning with purity—
for the burden of life
is love,
but we carry the weight
wearily,
and so much rest
in the arms of love
at last,
must rest in the arms
of love.
No rest
without love,
no sleep
without dreams
of love.
be mad or chill
obsessed with angels
or machines,
the final wish
is love
—cannot be bitter,
cannot deny,
cannot withhold
if denied:
the weight is too heavy
—must give
for no return
as thought
is given
in solitude
in all the excellence
of its excess.
The warm bodies
shine together
in the darkness,
the hand moves
to the center
of the flesh,
the skin trembles
in happiness
and the soul comes
joyful to the eye—
yes, yes,
that's what
I wanted,
I always wanted,
I always wanted,
to return
to the body
where I was born
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Usher - Burn
1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Went to Boracay, became the student council adviser, taught seniors, bought my first iPod, had my own camera(s).
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
2010 was supposed to be "No Procrastinating, No Multitasking Year" and obviously I didn't keep my resolutions! :D Next year I will write and read more, take photos, blog, watch plays and musicals, and spend less. (This sounds paradoxical.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Hmmm, surprisingly, no. No one I remember. :))
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Wala naman :)
5. What countries did you visit?
NONE. Things will change next year, hopefully.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Peace of mind, motivation, a winning lottery ticket. :))
7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 18 and 19 -- the school fair. :))
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving? :))
9. What was your biggest failure?
Balang araw, aaminin ko rin ito. :))
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had patellofemoral pain syndrome, flu, and bronchitis. Also, I got confined in the hospital for the first time in my life.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
(1) a pair of running shoes, (2) Maxi 2.0, my netbook, (3) my iPod Touch.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Lots.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many to mention, sigh.
14. Where did most of your money go?
My new gadgets. hehe. A plane ticket which I didn't get to use. :( Also, FOOD.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My thesis. Ew?
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2010?
"Empire State of Mind" and "Just the Way You Are". Oh, and sadly, "Baby".
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Sadder.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
Till a few days earlier, fatter (I think). Damn these chocolates and Christmas leftovers!
iii. Richer or poorer?
Definitely poorer in cash, but I'm probably worth more nowadays :))
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Read books, travel, write, blog, run.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Facebook. :))
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent mostly in a car going to Tagaytay. :D I was with family and relatives.
23. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Lie to Me, which I've just started watching, and How I Met Your Mother which seems to be rebounding from a bad season last year. :D
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Sure.
26. What was the best book you read?
Margaret Atwood's novels, Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, Pale Fire by Nabokov... I read only a few books this year; it's a shame. But the books I read were rather good.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I did listen to a lot of RnB this year...
28. What did you want and get?
A DSLR! I love my mom! :D
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26, met my classes, had pizza with SRCC, took a jog around Ayala Alabang, STAYED OVERTIME to write a test. :-|
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
"Sikip na uniform" / t-shirt and jeans fashion. I've ruined two buttons in my uniforms. D:
34. What kept you sane?
Facebook and Twitter. I don't know how I could have survived without having Facebook/Twitter breaks. On the other hand, I was caught too often by my boss. Whoops. :D
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one, really... maybe Darren Criss? :p
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The elections and the RH Bill.
37. Whom did you miss?
My mom :( but I'm happy she's home for Christmas :D
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My new co-teachers I suppose.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
There will always be something that will surprise us; it's up to us to decide whether it's a good surprise or not.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "You live, you learn." -- Alanis Morrissette
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
- Location:home
- Mood:
melancholy
Jorge Luis Borges
I
The useless dawn finds me in a deserted street-
corner; I have outlived the night.
Nights are proud waves; darkblue topheavy waves
laden with all the hues of deep spoil, laden with
things unlikely and desirable.
Nights have a habit of mysterious gifts and refusals,
of things half given away, half withheld,
of joys with a dark hemisphere. Nights act
that way, I tell you.
The surge, that night, left me the customary shreds
and odd ends: some hated friends to chat
with, music for dreams, and the smoking of
bitter ashes. The things my hungry heart
has no use for.
The big wave brought you.
Words, any words, your laughter; and you so lazily
and incessantly beautiful. We talked and you
have forgotten the words.
The shattering dawn finds me in a deserted street
of my city.
Your profile turned away, the sounds that go to
make your name, the lilt of your laughter:
these are the illustrious toys you have left me.
I turn them over in the dawn, I lose them, I find
them; I tell them to the few stray dogs and
to the few stray stars of the dawn.
Your dark rich life ...
I must get at you, somehow; I put away those
illustrious toys you have left me, I want your
hidden look, your real smile -- that lonely,
mocking smile your cool mirror knows.
II
What can I hold you with?
I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the
moon of the jagged suburbs.
I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked
long and long at the lonely moon.
I offer you my ancestors, my dead men, the ghosts
that living men have honoured in bronze:
my father's father killed in the frontier of
Buenos Aires, two bullets through his lungs,
bearded and dead, wrapped by his soldiers in
the hide of a cow; my mother's grandfather
--just twentyfour-- heading a charge of
three hundred men in Peru, now ghosts on
vanished horses.
I offer you whatever insight my books may hold,
whatever manliness or humour my life.
I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never
been loyal.
I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved,
somehow --the central heart that deals not
in words, traffics not with dreams, and is
untouched by time, by joy, by adversities.
I offer you the memory of a yellow rose seen at
sunset, years before you were born.
I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about
yourself, authentic and surprising news of
yourself.
I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the
hunger of my heart; I am trying to bribe you
with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.
- Mood:
chipper
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
literaryquotesYou Are Tired (I Think)
E.E. Cummings
You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.
Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)
You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.
But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.
Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.
Wislawa Szymborska
Both are convinced
that a sudden surge of emotion bound them together.
Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful still.
Since they’d never met before, they’re sure
that nothing was happening between them.
What of streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?
I’d like to ask them
whether they remember--
Perhaps in a revolving door
ever being face to face?
An “excuse me” in a crowd?
A curt “wrong number” in the receiver?
But I know the answer:
No, they don’t remember.
They’d be greatly astonished to learn
that for a long time
Chance had been playing with them.
Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way,
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.
There were signs and signals,
even if they couldn’t read them yet.
Perhaps three years ago
or just last Tuesday
a certain leaf fluttered
from one shoulder to another?
Something was dropped and then picked up.
Who knows, maybe the ball that vanished
into childhood’s thicket?
There were doorknobs and doorbells
where one touch had covered another
beforehand.
Suitcases checked and standing side by side.
One night, perhaps, the same dream,
forgotten in waking.
Every beginning
is only a sequel, after all,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through.
- Mood:
happy
2009, you are one hell of a sine wave, but thanks anyway. And Happy New Year everyone! Hope it's gonna be awesome and legendary.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Performed in a musical play. Went to Singapore. Tweeted? :D
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Did I have a new year's resolution? I don't think I did. 2010 shall be No Procrastinating, No Multitasking Year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Si May Q. Kilayko ;)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
I wasn't very close to him, but I was devastated when Bro. Ceci died.
5. What countries did you visit?
Singapore. Hope to visit more soon.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Motivation, mostly.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'd like to mention several dates:
1) November 24, because I didn't expect anything out of that day (and certain events caused me to feel depressed at the beginning of the day), but it turned out to be the best.
2) October 26, because that's when Ondoy struck and I was cold and wet and stranded for hours, and we were all jittery because my dad was stranded with his co-workers on the roof of their factory in Marikina.
3) the month of May, because that's when I scoured Singapore with my relatives.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Taking MA subjects again! :-) Being Marty in Grease.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't even want to think about it...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just colds and cough. A bout this month was particularly terrible.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
This new pair of rubber shoes and my white and pink backpack. hehe.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ralf Roldan, Edmon Viroomal, I love you guys. :D
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
This is the question I evade every year.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Singapore. haha! Shoes and books too.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
There's Singapore.
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?
Glee songs, "I've Got a Feeling", "Single Ladies", "Halo", "Nobody" XD
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Sadder.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner. An improvement, yesss.
iii. Richer or poorer?
Richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Read books (which I always wish every year).
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Procrastinated (this year again).
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it at home, watching How I Met Your Mother... and also in my dad's boss's place because it's his granddaughter's birthday. It's our first Christmas with Mom so far away.
23. How many one-night stands?
Zilch.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
GLEE!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is too heavy a word for it.
26. What was the best book you read?
I was terribly affected by Blindness by Jose Saramago. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell is also unforgettable. Ah, and I loved that short story collection entitled My Mistress' Sparrow Is Dead.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Well, my Glee playlist has been looping for God knows how long. It's been replaced only recently by Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Love it!
28. What did you want and get?
Blankets by Craig Thompson, and a new copy of The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Luis Zafon.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Up, (500) Days of Summer, Kimmy Dora, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25. I was in school, teaching. I even gave a quiz to my S-B. haha. My students sang in every class and even in the corridors. It was embarrassing but funny and really, really touching. And then Joey suddenly showed up in Alabang Town Center. And then I had coffee till late with my Zobel co-teachers.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
34. What kept you sane?
Joey. My friends. My iPod (technically my brother's, but he's not taking it back).
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Neil Patrick Harris, Matthew Morrison, Joseph Gordon-Levitt... si Coco Martin din, tsaka si Dingdong Dantes sa Kimmy Dora :D
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Maguindanao massacre, Erap running for president, GMA running for congresswoman, and all political issues concerning Ondoy.
37. Who did you miss?
My mom :'( so very very very much.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My new co-teachers.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Don't stop with "okay".
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Awful sweet to be a little butterfly / Just wingin' over things and nothing deep inside..." - from Spring Awakening. Rock it, Moritz!
- Mood:
blah
exceptindreams Christmas 1963
Joseph Enzweiler
Because we wanted much that year
and had little. Because the winter phone
for days stayed silent that would call
our father back to work, and he
kept silent too with our mother,
fearfully proud before us.
Because I was young that morning
in gray light untouched on the rug
and our gifts were so few, propped
along the furniture, for a second
my heart fell, then saw how large
they made the spaces between them
to take the place of less. Because
the curtained sun rose brightly
on our discarded paper and the things
themselves, these forty years,
have grown too small to see, the emptiness
measured out remains the gift,
fills the whole room now, that whole year
out across the snowy lawn. Because
a drop of shame burned quietly
in the province of love. Because
we had little that year
and were given much.
[...] Last night, I was chatting with a friend. He told me, "I wish I were an animé character. Animés always end with a happy ending." "Yeah," I replied. "And it stops right there."
Geocities is closing. I've already gone to retrieve all important files (i.e., journal entries) and left the not-so-important ones (i.e., those I'm too embarrassed to keep, but are probably still sitting around, namely fanfictions of old). I had to keep my eyes half closed to avoid the cheesy layout. I also had to turn off the MIDI file in every damn webpage. It truly was an embarrassing trip down memory lane.
I did love that old webpage, though. I started learning about HTML in third year high school, and since then, I spent one too many hours on the Internet via our dial-up connection. I designed my own website(s), wrote and posted my cheesy and/or angst-ridden stories for all the world to see. For a high school student to realize that you can connect to the world with one touch of the computer keyboard, and to know that those people out there appreciate what you've created -- that's priceless.
I paid for the Internet with my meager savings, and I remember when my bill went up to P5000. I wasn't able to pay for it until we got a letter from Pacific Internet with a veiled threat of taking the matter to court unless action is taken. My mom paid for it. Again, one embarrassing moment. Now I know better; Pacific Internet wouldn't have won that sort of lawsuit. Why trust a high school student to pay her bills and keep her dial-up hours to a minimum, anyway?
This trip down memory lane would've been simply cute if I didn't remember that surge of creativity (and not necessarily talent) which I had in high school. Maybe it's because the Internet was a novelty for me; maybe it's because I was in high school and I didn't care if my writings were bad as long as people read them. I've been missing that. I miss it when I see it in a few of my students. I miss it when I read beautiful poetry in my MA class and remember the times when I thought that I could also write someday. I've been wanting to feel this great espresso shot of creativity and have the time and motivation to just create. And now what I create are mostly Twitter entries (but I thoroughly love Twitter).
Funny how an old website could dredge out this much bitterness. hehe.
